This post is part of a series that started with this post on 2020.
Yikes! This one is hard.
I’ve been here before – worn out. I was here when I was first starting the podcast. Things were going great for this podcasting newbie. I was learning well, I was meeting new people who were willing to trust me with their stories. I was producing this podcast weekly and feeling really good about it. I was also a volunteer Bible study teacher for children. I was teaching art classes. I was still a full time mom and wife. I was doing a lot of really good things and they all mattered to me.
But I cried a lot too.
I realized I was exhausted, but what could I do? I needed to do each of those things, on top of my responsibility as a wife and mother and friend. I took the advice of some trusted people in my life and went to a therapist (which I think we all should do – often!).
She said I should quit something.
WHAT??? None of these things were bad, how could I quit? What would they do without me?
She asked me why I thought God couldn’t handle that Bible study without me.
Um, excuse me? Of course He can. I didn’t say that.
Do you think it’s pride? Do you think you’re the only person who can do these things?
I’m sorry. I’m not a prideful person and I’m very proud of that fact!
Apparently pride is a driving force. I must do this thing! If I don’t, who will? God needs me!
I’ve now admitted to myself and now out loud to all of you that I have a pride issue. But you probably do too. Because we are people and people are typically self-centered and proud of ourselves.
Ok, so how do I deal with pride? Well, I don’t know. I think it’s just a constant check. What’s my motivation for doing this thing? Do I want attention and glory for it? Do I want to be a martyr? Do I think I can do it better than anyone else?
See, this is so tricky because God does ask us to do things He has equipped us for, but for His glory and not our own at all. So when there’s something we feel confident in doing does that mean we are prideful? It’s a fine line. When there’s something we say yes to because it sounds like fun and we really want to are we not sacrificing enough for God? I serioualy ask myself these questions!
Then there’s comparison – I follow a lot of other Christian podcasters to learn from them and support them, but then I end up comparing myself to them. Does that mean I need to stop looking at them? Sometimes it does. But sometimes it also means that I need to check my own heart, thank you John Crist for getting that saying stuck in my head. What’s my focus here?
There’s also something called imposter syndrome. Do you know that every time I call myself a podcaster or an artist I choke on the words a little? Why? I record, edit, and produce a podcast that is listened to by other people. Does that make one a podcaster? It does. I put pen and pencil and paintbrush to paper and create things from my heart. Does that make one and artist? Yes! So why do I feel like a phony?
Because PRIDE. Here’s how I see it: any time I am thinking of myself more than the work I’m putting out there or, more importantly, the consumer of that work, or most importantly, the CREATOR HIMSELF, I’m being prideful.
The best way I know to battle my own pride is to keep refocusing. Scripture must be studied daily. I need His Word alive in me every single day or I forget what it says. My memory is so short when it comes to what is TRUTH.
I can remember all the lyrics to ICE ICE Baby, but I forgot who God says I am. WHY?
So, I battle pride with scripture. I must remember who HE is first and who HE says I am before what I even have to say about myself.
Who does He say I am?
He says I am free (Romans 8:1-2), beautiful (Psalm 45:11), special (Psalm 139:13), loved (Jeremiah 31:3), strong (Psalm 18:35), chosen (1 Peter 2:9), forgiven (Psalm 103:12), His masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10), created in His image (Genesis 1:27), and so much more!
To hear the podcast episode on this, click here. For bonus points, leave a review so others can join us!
What’s got you feeling too prideful? How do you keep yourself in check?